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Sister, you are a true masterpiece happy birthday!Happy Birthday. I toast you. Seriously.
annette, you're my wife you're beautiful and you're minebrother, is that your aura of brooding masculinity, or did you fart?
vodka is god for you...i mean...good for youThnx steve! you deserve more than just a text!
Vimrod credit-crunch shoesMike, has everyone gone mad or is it just our family? happy birthday
Rearrange the words below: another same of the pint pleaseEmma, you are my favourite sweetie happy birthday
If at first you don't succeed, give up and go to the pub.Never let a little bad weather, terrible traffic, lack of money or insufficient time get in the way of a good shopping trip.
thank you it was faaaaa-aaaaaaaaaan-tasticlife is a struggle between good, evil and chocolate
Master farter happy birthday uncle monty!Vimrod credit-crunch shopping
it's not a matter of how much you earn. it's a matter of how stylishly you spend it. Sebastien. if your image was framed in gold and placed in the sky above the earth, all of humanity would gape in awe at your wonderfulness. happy birthday!
Happy Birthday Sister, you are the greatest (i.e. cutest, lovablest, charmingest, sweetest, lovliest, wonderfulest, delightfulest and adorablest)may your home always be filled with joy and love and may your cupboard always be too small to hold all your shoes
Friendship is the oil that lubricates the engine of life. Red wine helps too...Natalie, all you need is love and gin, and tonic.
Happy Birthday to an absolooot nuttahnew baby, aaaah! the pitter patter of tiny feet and the smell of fresh poo in the morning.... congratulations!
Congratu effing lations on your 30thAccessories Queen happy birthday sista!
Happy birthday mum, you are a national treasure. if you haven't been declared one yet, i am going to lodge a complaint! Natalie, friendship is the oil that lubricates the engine of life. red wine helps too... happy birthday!
Dave, you should be prime minister i reckon. it'd suit you. happy birthday!Sarah, may your home always be filled with joy and love and may your cupboard always be too small to hold all your shoes
You are extraordinarily lovely, Sally 
happy birthdayThnx steve! you deserve more than just a text!
Congratulations steve you are the best!Congratu effing lations on your 30th sebastien!
Fantastic old bastard happy birthday uncle monty!Maria, the best cocktail in life is friendship - happy birthday!
Mary and jeff- a fabulous cocktail! happy anniversary! And the winner of the world's best teacher competition is: mr. harper thank you!
Good luck with your new school emma st. marys welcome emma!Dave, congratulations on your new job! Your colleagues will treat you with awe and respect for they know that one day you will be the boss. Mary keene, boss, 2012
Steve and Hilary, you guys are a masterpiece congratulations on your engagementGet well soon Jane, we miss you (which is why we have put up a big picture of you, just to remind us how excellent + lovely you are)
Stephanie, you're leaving - we'll miss you. (we'll put a poster up of you in the office to cheer us up!) Mary and jeff- a fabulous cocktail! Conrgatulations on your wedding!
Happy Easterwhen you're older you are going to dance the way your parents dance. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
Happy Birthday Mum, you are the best. totally, utterly and completelyMy farts hospitalise small children
Iain, when you're older you are going to dance the way your parents dance. Be afraid. Be very afraid.Development path of the human (male): crawl, walk, talk, drink, drink, drink, drink, crawl...
Happy Birthday Dad, you're my superheroLife is really just a journey between offices isn't it?
hope your birthday is effing brilliantThere's no place like home. Except maybe the pub. That is kind of like home to me.
Hello Joseph, this is your computer speaking. You have no idea what you're doing do you?A while back men were given the choice: eveolve or watch football. the rest is history
Happy Birthday you fantastic old bastardLife is short... eat as much as you can
It's the little voices that tell me to go shoppingDeep deep inside the brain of every woman is a small bungalow in which lives a little lady who is totally obsessed with shoes
Is there more to life than watching sport on TV? YES! watching sport on tv with a beer.Wine is made to be drunk. i am drunk. therefore am i wine?
All you need is love and gin and tonicGreta, you are the rolls royce of humans.... ie. you are damn expensive, high maintenance, but bloody well worth it.
Jessica, an empty glass means a full lifeBalding is not funny Arnold (it's hilarious)
Beware of the entrances to shopping malls...(one minute you'll be innocently walking by and the next you are sucked in and have to do some shopping)Nothing like a cold beer on a hot day, or on a warm day, or a cool day or even on a cold day
Chocolate is the answer and I don't give a damn about the questionBefore golf was invented what did men do again?
Right in the core of a man's brain is another brain, inside that is a smaller one, and then another and another. the last one is so small it can only be seen under a microscope. and inside that one is a tiny, tiny willy.Laura, the more i drink the more i repeat myself.... I said, the more I drink the more I repeat myself, seriously, the more I drink the more I repeat myself.

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